


Write me a Song

by graceabel3



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Betsy adopted the twins, Enemies to Lovers, Everyone ships them, Fluff, M/M, Second Chance Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, andrew and aaron and nicky are in a band, andrew leaves, band au, forced proximity (kinda), i wrote 27 songs for this fic so read it pls, musician au, neil broke andrews heart, neil is a rising star, scandal ensues, social media is involved, the butcher is dead, they write songs about each other, theyre very famous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:46:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29460747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceabel3/pseuds/graceabel3
Summary: Neil is a rising musician. Andrew just left one of the most famous rock bands in history. After signing with the same record label, they are constantly put in each others paths to promote their music. What no one knows is, they knew each other already. 10 years ago, they fell in love. 10 years ago, Neil broke Andrew's heart. Being forced into a mansion to write songs together isn't ideal, but will they overcome the past to be able to make a future.********Musician au full of songs about heartbreak, love, the pain of moving on, and the fear of letting go.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose
Comments: 23
Kudos: 59





	1. Baltimore

**Author's Note:**

> hey, so this is my first story on here so i hope you like it.
> 
> i have an original song for the beginning of each chapter that either neil or andrew "wrote" that goes along with the story and have details from the actual books. the pov will switch each chapter (if its neils pov then its his song at the beginning and if its andrews pov then its his song). once the story is over, the songs will make each of their albums that are created and talked about throughout the story. i thought it would be fun to really get into the details. i worked super hard on this and hope you like it :)
> 
> each chapter title will be the title of the song at the beginning 
> 
> btw andrew is a lot calmer on his meds in this story because...i don't really know lol its just how it turned out.

Home base, supposed to be safe  
Turned out to be a battle ground  
Felt the walls suffocate  
Hoping to be found  
Chasing the high of running away  
Got turned around  
You were begging me to stay  
But I was hearing no sound 

You were my solace and my hell  
Pushing my mind in to a drawer  
Needed that final farewell  
But my hearts still in Baltimore

Words flung into my skin  
Left a canvas of scars  
Witnessed the darkest of sins  
And lost countless hours  
Cruel smile slice my throat  
Used love as an excuse for horror  
Thought you’d finally leave me alone  
But I overestimated your ability to ignore

You were my home and my hell  
Pushing my soul in to a drawer  
Wanted that final farewell  
But my hearts still in Baltimore

Cherished the day I ran free  
But lost the last of my dignity  
Call it what you want if you so please  
But you weren’t the one trapped on your knees

You were my darkest fear washed ashore  
My mind is trapped in Baltimore

******

Neil never believed in fate. Never believed that there was some greater power that watched over them and gave them signs. That gave them just what they needed and deserved. That made all the i’s dotted and all the t’s crossed. That brought the ones they needed most right when they were supposed. He didn’t think the world could be that kind. But he supposed the only true life experience he had was tainted by blood and screams. Every memory painted red to the soundtrack of his worst nightmares. So no, Neil didn’t believe in fate. How could he.

But he wondered, how perfect it was, that he was in this cafe, playing this song, looking into those eyes. As he played the song that he poured his heart into. All his pain, all his fear. All his loneliness and all his darkest thoughts he didn’t want to see the light of day. This song that laid out his life, the pathetic thing that it was. How it started and how it would most likely end: alone and scared.

He stared into those eyes and the first thought that came to mind, was if they were gold or brown. Maybe they were even a little green. He couldn’t tell. Out of every thought he could have focused on, that's the one that was at the forefront of his mind. The damn color.

He tried to focus on the face, but he kept going back to those eyes. If he was being honest with himself, he would admit that he was feeling things. Things he couldn’t even begin to try to name. But Neil wasn’t in the habit of being honest. He was born a liar after all. So, instead, he focused on the other features. The golden waves. The slightly crooked nose with a light smattering of freckles on them. The full lips that were up in a smile that couldn’t possibly be natural. The smile is what made him look at the whole picture. 

The man didn't look particularly happy. He sort of looked drugged into high heaven. The wide, almost manic smile made the corners of his eyes crease in a way that made him seem like he was enjoying the show. But Neil wondered what was going on behind those eyes that looked so...dead.

The man had broad shoulders with wide biceps. Neil bet it he wouldn’t be able to wrap both of his hands around then and have his fingers meet. Why he was thinking about that in particular, Neil wasn’t sure. 

The man was wearing all black, and even had black studs in his ear to complete the goth look. He had large combat boots that could probably do some damage if needed. Neil didn’t know why that made his stomach do a strange leap.

Neil knew he had to look away, but he couldn’t. To be fair, the man was staring right back at him. Neil kept strumming his guitar, kept singing the words that haunted his sleep and daydreams. Kept living life as if he couldn’t feel the man's stare in the very depths of his bones. He didn’t know what was happening, but he decided he didn’t mind it. God, if his mother could see him now. It wouldn’t be pretty.

Neil finished up the song and the set and exited the stage. The cafe was where he usually played, and no one new ever really showed up. Until now. He wondered what the man thought of him. Thought of his song. Maybe he liked it, or maybe he thought it was a waste of time to be listening to a boy sing about how the world fucked him over. It shouldn’t matter to Neil, he didn’t even know the guy after all. But. But there was something in the way he looked at Neil. It made Neil’s heartbeat a little faster, like the cliche he was.

The man probably wasn’t much older than his own 18 years old. Something about him made him seem older though. Like he had seen too much of the world already. Neil could relate. That should have been the first sign. The first sign that this man, whoever he was, was going to change things. Change Neil. But, ever oblivious, Neil wrote it off as nothing and went to talk to the cafe manager, Darleen. 

After letting her know he was heading out, and thanking her for letting him play here, Neil headed for the door. But not before looking for the mysterious man. To Neil’s disappointment, he was gone. He shouldn’t be worrying about something like this. Just because you make eye contact with someone while singing up about your fucked up relationship with your childhood, does not mean they should go out of their way to talk to you. Or at least that’s what Neil told himself.

Besides, Neil had other things to focus on than a random person. He had his freedom. His music. His life. He was free of the things that tortured him as a kid, literally. He was free of the scars and the screams. Free to do whatever he damn well pleased, even if a voice in the back of his head, that sounded suspiciously like his mother, told him he was going to get himself killed. After a year without her, you would think he would be able to move on. But no, she still haunts him sometimes. 

He carried his guitar out the side door, where his beat down car was. As he stepped into the cool night air, he saw a figure standing across the alley from him, leaning against the wall. He saw the leather jacket and the combat boots, and knew who it was. It seems he wasn’t the only cliche. 

He stopped, and made eye contact with the man, as well as he could in the dark. The light above the door helped some, but not enough. Besides, Neil didn’t need to see the other man to know what his eyes looked like. Not after staring at them like a fucking creep while performing. 

“Uh,” Neil said, oh so eloquently, “Hey.”

The other man was silent for a minute, looking over Neil. Assessing him.

Neil thought about what he must be seeing. The mess of red curls on his head, the bright orange sweatshirt and the worn out jeans. The white chucks that have seen their fair share of scary shit. Neil grimaced at the picture he made, but oh well. He didn’t need to impress some random stranger anyways.

“That song you sang in there,” the man said, his voice deep and gravelly. The smile was still there. “Did you write it?” 

“Yes,” Neil said without hesitation. He probably should have thought it was an odd question, but something about it just...wasn’t. Something about it was familiar. Comfortable even. Which should have been the third sign. Neil didn’t know this person. He didn’t even know the man’s name. Yet here he was.

“I play here every weekend,” Neil said, “If you wanted to come again.” 

The man didn’t say anything. Not one word. What he did do though, was lose the smile. Not for awhile. Not even for a whole second. He let it fall, only to pick it back up, even bigger the second time. Neil didn’t know why the man was smiling like that, but he was certain there was a reason, and being happy was not it.

The man hummed, gave Neil a once over again, and turned away. Neil watched him walk away, and suddenly, a thought occurred to him. 

“Hey, wait,” The man turned back at the sound of Neil’s voice, “Can I have your name?”

The man stood there for a minute, contemplating. And then, “Andrew.” He turned and left. 

Andrew. Huh. 

******

Andrew was here. Again. It had been a week since he learned the striking man’s name, and not one day went by that he didn’t think about those damn eyes. It was the third time Andrew had watched him play and Neil decided he didn’t want to name the way this made him feel.  
Andrew was always in the same spot, in the very back corner, and always watched Neil with a quiet kind of intensity. He always wore that wide smile, but every once in awhile, Neil would get a glimpse of the Andrew behind the smile. Like when he sang a particularly hitting lyric, and Andrew would get this look on his face, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Andrew hadn’t been waiting for him outside the second time he was there, but tonight he did. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, and if Neil didn’t know better, he would say Andrew was irritated. Neil didn’t know how he knew better, he just did. 

“Your name is Neil,” Andrew said suddenly. Neil honestly wasn’t expecting him to say anything at all, he just didn’t seem like a talker.

“Uh, yeah,” Neil replied, wondering if Andrew only just figured it out. Though he doesn’t know how Andrew was supposed to figure it out, considering he never says his name when he performs.

As if reading his mind, Andrew said, “Why don’t you ever say your name?” Blunt. Straight to the point. Neil sort of liked it.

“No...I guess not,” Was all Neil said. He wasn’t going to dive into his complicated history with names and identities with a total stranger. Though something about labeling Andrew as that just felt...wrong.

Andrew eyed him for a second, and then seemed to make up his mind about something. His smile got wider, his eyes got brighter. Almost as if something in his brain was reminding him to be happy. “Walk with me,” he said enthusiastically. More enthusiastic than Neil was expecting.

Neil followed the shorter man, who was only shorter than Neil’s 5’3” by a few inches. He didn’t know where they were going, which probably meant this was the worst thing he could be doing. But he had kept walking after Andrew anyways, like the idiot he knew he was. 

Andrew led them down the road a little ways and stopped in front of a building. Neil looked up at the sign above the door that read “Bee’s Books”. They stepped through the door and Neil noticed that some of the tension in Andrew’s shoulder disappeared, as if he was comfortable here. 

Neil looked around at the small building. The walls were lined with bookshelves full of, what appeared to be, used books. The place even smelled of used books. Neil could tell the space was well loved. The books had been read and obsessed over, been through a hundred homes, seen a thousand lives. They were creased and crushed. Every single book in this place had been well used. The stories had been interpreted in different ways, adding character to the pages. Neil decided, on the spot, that he liked this place. 

Neil looked over to see Andrew watching him. When Andrew saw that he noticed the staring, he looked away, instead choosing to call for someone.

“Bee! Buzz buzz! Where are you?” Neil thought that just maybe, Andrew was slightly insane. But he pushed the thought away when a short, older woman with chocolate brown hair and glasses came up to the front of the store. She was only a little taller than him and had a warm quality about her.

“Andrew! How was the cafe?” She smiled at over at them both brightly. Not in the same way Andrew would smile, but in a true way. A kind way. “Who’s this?”

“Neil,” was all Andrew said. Neil smiled at the woman, small but as genuine as it got with him. Andrew then continued, “He was performing, so I decided to bring him in since I know how you love collecting strays.” Neil didn’t know what that meant. He, again, questioned himself and his decision to come here. But he, again, pushed that thought away. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Ignoring the signs, pretending to be sure of himself.

“It’s nice to meet you, Neil,” Bee said. She seemed nice enough, and a part of Neil wanted to immediately trust her. Wanted to be wrapped in her motherly arms and forget about any problems the world could throw at him. But the bigger, smarter part knew to be wary. People may seem one way on the outside, but most aren’t the same on the inside. It was rare that someone was good, through and through. Neil might even say, improbable. 

Andrew looked to Neil and then back to be as he said, “We’re going up to the roof.” Bee nodded her head and went about her business, but not before sending Neil another smile. Andrew gestured to follow him, and Neil did. 

Neil knew this was strange and just shouldn’t be happening but he felt a draw toward Andrew. Something about the man made Neil feel safe, yet on edge at the same time. Neil didn’t know if he liked it or not. A stranger was taking Neil up to a roof of a random building and here Neil was, blindly following. Like a moron.

When they got out the back door of the building, Neil had enough sense to hesitate. He knew how easy it would be to climb up the ladder on the side of the building. To go up to that roof and just see what Andrew wanted. But Neil also knew how dangerous that could be, and Neil’s life meant too much to him now. After everything he had been through, he wasn’t going to waste it on the pull of a stranger. That was, until Andrew started talking again.

“Relax, Neilio. I’m not going to kill you, and if I was, I wouldn’t do it on a roof.” 

Neil, ever the dramatic, decided to reply with, “There are worse things than death.”

Andrew laughed, but then paused and looked Neil over. Neil held his breath, not actually knowing what was going to happen. “Yes,” Andrew said, somewhat seriously, even if he had that grin on his face. “There are definitely worse things than death.” And then turned and started up the ladder without looking down to see if Neil was following.

Neil sighed and wondered about how much his mother would want to kill him if she knew what he was about to do. Neil knew with one hundred percent certainty it was a lot, and with that thought, he turned and made his way up the ladder. 

Once he reached the top, he looked over to the edge, and saw Andrew sitting there with his feet hanging over the edge. Neil made his way over to him and sat a good 5 feet away from the other boy. He looked over and eyed the blonde waves that fell into Andrews eyes. The eyes that he could now see, weren’t just one color. They were 3. Green, brown, and gold all weaved into a pattern that left Neil almost breathless if he looked at it for too long. 

Andrew pulled a cigarette pack out of the pocket of his leather jacket, and pulled two out. He lit them both and silently handed one over to Neil. As he took the stick from the other man, Neil couldn’t help but think of his mother again. She used to smoke. And in the end, that was all she smelled like. Though the stench of burning flesh usually overshadowed the other smells of that memory. Neil decided not to think about that right now. Not when Andrew was sitting next to him, watching as Neil brought the cigarette close to his face and breathed in the smoke, but not actually smoking it properly. Andrew didn’t ask. What he did do was start asking questions. Never good. But, inexplicably, Neil found himself wanting to answer, even if he knew he shouldn’t. What was the harm really? His father was dead. His fathers men were either dead or in prison. His mother was...dead. There was nothing keeping him back from anything at this point. So when Andrew asked his first question, Neil responded.

“What’s your full name?” The blonde boy asked. Clearly, he didn’t know that that was one of the questions Neil had a hard time answering.

“Neil Josten. What’s yours?” Neil figured, if he was going to be sharing things, so would Andrew.

“Andrew Minyard,” he said after only a slight hesitation. Then he led on to something Neil could talk about for hours. Music. “You write all your own songs?”

“Yes,” Neil responded, almost eagerly. “Do you do anything with music?”

“Yeah,” Andrew said, and even Neil could sense the sarcasm dripping from his tone, “I listen to it.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Though Neil could feel a smile trying to creep onto his face. How rude.

Andrew paused for a moment, staring out to the horizon. “Yeah, I play some instruments. Write some songs too if I feel like it.” Neil, unsurprisingly, became even more interested in this mysterious stranger. 

“My mom taught me how to play when I was a kid. Piano. Bass. Guitar.” What Neil didn’t say, was that it was all one big coping mechanism to distract from the giant shit hole that was their life. His mother had loved music, before she got married. Neil supposed, teaching him, was one of the only kind things she did for him.

“I learned in juvie. It was that or stare at the wall. Or break peoples faces. I dabbled a bit in that art too. Even got good at it. But figured I should give my oh so delicate hands a break.” Neil looked down at Andrew’s hands and, of course, they were anything but delicate. Strong, calloused, maybe even destructive. But not delicate.

Neil hummed in response, and then asked the burning question of the hour, “Why are we up here?” 

“Your song. It was...interesting.” Andrew replied as if he didn’t really want to say.  
“Interesting good or interesting bad?” 

“Hush, Neilio. I cannot give you all of my secrets. I must keep some for myself.”

And that was what started it. The best summer of Neil’s life. The life changing summer that would never be forgotten. A summer filled with two boys that played and wrote music at all hours of the day. A summer with laughter, if slightly manic. A summer full of trust and secrets exchanged. A summer full of stories of long lost twin brothers and cousins being taken in by a kind bookstore owner, serial killer fathers, and years on the run. A summer filled with hope and longing, all written into beautiful melodies that made up the inner workings of Neil’s very soul. A summer full of kisses and time well spent. A summer that made Neil who he is today. A dreamer. 

Neil didn’t believe in fate, but he did believe in music. And that’s what Andrew became to him that summer. Andrew was the rhythm of Neil’s heartbeat. The sound of the blood rushing through his veins. The feelings of calluses, left by guitar strings, on skin. He was everything Neil ever wanted. Everything he was starting to believe he could have. Until everything changed. And reality came crashing in.

Neil knew that if fate was real, she was a stone cold bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is called baltimore and it's about neil's childhood but i also tried to make it open to interpretation so it could be taken as a toxic breakup song so its more relatable for people (the fake fans i made for the story lol)
> 
> if you liked the prologue, leave a kudos and a comment :))))


	2. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew reunites with an old face after 10 years. One he never wanted to see again.

Sharp teeth cut the bone  
Puncture wounds spell “you’re all alone”  
Phantom pains with more to come  
A losing battle from beyond

Treacherous lies spill out  
From liars promising mouths  
Didn’t like how I made no sound  
So called me out and pushed me down

Perceive me however you would like  
Call me a monster in the night  
But don’t pretend you know my mind  
And the demons that I have to fight

Mothering words slash my skin  
Blinded eyes burrowing in  
Can’t you tell what's happening  
I’d die to be your perfect kid

Judge, jury, executioner  
Knew the drug was the perfect punisher  
Take away my voice and my words  
Twist them into individual hurts

Look through me, see whatever you would like  
Call me a monster every the night  
But don’t pretend you know my life  
Or the demons I’ve had to fight

Take your time, don't like what you see  
Paint a picture and erase me  
I couldn’t care less what you all think  
Now my words make me money

Look into me, see whatever you like  
Call me a monster in every life  
But don’t try to know my mind  
Or the demons I continue to fight

******

Andrew hated everyone in this stupid world. Every single one of them. Apparently no one understood just how sacred sleep was, because everyone and their mother decided it would be a good idea to tweet shit about him at ungodly hours of the morning. He supposed he had two choices. He could check the phone that had been non stop buzzing for the past 30 minutes or he could smash it. Andrew thought that Renee wouldn’t appreciate that one, but honestly, as his manager, she should know that this bullshit was not Andrew’s thing.

He gave a long suffering sigh and reached for the bane of his existence. He scrolled through all the twitter notifications and decided that he should probably see how people were liking the song. It had dropped an hour ago at midnight with only a few hours warning. 

Somewhere in the smallest, darkest corner of Andrew’s fucked up mind, he knew that he wanted people to like this song. He knew that he craved people’s validation like a scared little boy in need of love. It was pathetic, but it was honest. He wanted people to hear this song, the first song he’s released since leaving the band, and to relate to it. He wanted them to hear the song and realize that this is how things are going to be from now on. He wasn’t Andrew Minyard, lead singer of one of the most famous rock bands in history. He was Andrew Minyard. He was who he was, and he was never going back to be being who everyone else needed him to be. 

Fall From Grace had been Andrews beginning, but not his whole story. Though somewhere along the way, he had started to forget that. Started to let himself fall into this role of camera ready frontman that he had always despised. He wrote mindless songs that he knew would appease the fans and gave them the sexy rocker they all wanted. But that wasn’t who he was, and Andrew had long ago stopped being something he wasn’t. Maybe it had taken some time and heartbreak to get to that point, but he wasn’t ever going to regret it. Fuck that. Andrew wanted to write songs that meant something. Songs that he could claim as his own and show that he wasn’t the same boy he used to be. 

When he was 16 and Bee, his adoptive mom, had found him and reunited him with Aaron, his long lost twin brother, and Nicky, his cousin, Andrew had thought he had finally found a home. And he had. But it cost him things he never knew he had to give. And Andrew had been okay with that. He was okay with being resented by his brother for not being the stand-up citizen he should have been. He was okay with his cousin being slightly afraid of him, even if it was because he had used violent means to save Nicky’s own life. He was okay with not everything being okay. Until he wasn’t.

Until it was almost 10 years after forming the band, and they were household names. Until they had everything they were supposed to ever want. Until they could only be in the same room when they had to be. Until his brother wasn’t even his brother anymore, but a shell of a man that was held together with some still wet glue. Until his cousin fell in love and started to resent everything they had, and Andrew couldn’t even blame him. He hated it all too. The only good things he had in his life were Bee and Renee. He used to think Aaron and Nicky could be good things too, but he gave up on that after a particularly brutal wake up call. 

Andrew tried not to think about his old bandmates. Tried not to think about how he secretly hoped this would be good for them too. That maybe Aaron would pull himself together and that maybe Nicky would just run away to Germany already. He tried to remember that he was the unfeeling one and that he did this for himself. Only himself. Not because deep down, he was worried this life would ruin the people he held closest to his chest. No. He did this to get out from their suffocating expectations and swelling hatred. 

Andrew decided it was too fucking early to dwell on his feelings and all that shit, so he started to read the tweets on his screen. 

**Hi andrew** @plsmarrymeajmlolol  
_How tf does @andrewminyard even think of some of these lyrics i'm- PUNCTURE WOUNDS SPELL OUT “YOU’RE ALL ALONE” WHAT_

 **MONSTERS OUT NOW** @notpreparedforajmcomeback  
_this song is the optime of everything i didn’t know i needed i mean @andrewminyard how do u manage to do this i think im going into cardiac arrest_

 **stream monsters single** @heeeyyyajmstans  
_literally so baffled at how iconic @andrewminyard is. he really just came out and was like fuck u all and i am so here for it like shit man_

 **Fall from grace is my religion** @ifudontlikeFFGplsleave  
_@andrewminyard REALLY SAID NOW MY WORDS MAKE ME MONEY ILL DIE LAUGHING_

 **Aaron is the better twin** @mrsaaronminyard  
_@andrewminyard ur voice in this song is good bro but tbh im still petty over u leaving the band and cannot listen to this_

That was enough. That was all he could take at the moment. People liked it, even if they were pissed at him. He guessed that’s all he could hope for. He really wished he didn’t care what any of these assholes thought, but 10 years in this life messes with your head. Even if you try and deny that it doesn’t. 

Andrew turned his phone off and went the fuck back to sleep.

******

Andrew had many great accomplishments. He was a rockstar for fucks sake. He had awards and chart topping songs galore. But his greatest accomplishment, the one that only he knew about, was how well he was able to not think about the boy that he left in his past. Or, he should say, got left in the past of, but Andrew didn’t like that thought. 

Several times a day, the redheaded boy with the blue eyes full of melodies tried to sneak back into his train of thought. And several times a day, Andrew banished him out of his mind. Andrew never thought about the way his laugh was like Andrew’s drug of choice. Or how the pattern of scars on the boys chest was the one thing that mapped out any semblance of stability. Or how, when the boy said his name, it was better than any crowd, any cheer, and any prayer. 

Andrew was very good about not thinking about the boy. Until the boy decided he would try his hand at being a star. And goddammit, Andrew couldn’t lie and say the role didn’t fit him nicely. He wore the music like a pair of leather pants that perfectly molded to his lean body. He performed like his life depended on it, and to the boy, it probably did. He was becoming big. He was getting the dreams he only ever shared with Andrew once. He did it. Without Andrew.

About 6 months ago, Andrew heard buzzing about a short, redheaded musical genius that just signed with Daylight Records. Apparently he had the voice of an angel and fingers that could play a guitar like he was born to do it. At first, Andrew had shoved it away, thinking it was a mere coincidence. Andrew should have known the universe wouldn’t let him off so easy. 

Neil Josten. A new up and coming star that blew listeners out of the water. At first, he had just released some covers, but that was enough to make some big names start chatting about him. It helped that he signed with one of the biggest record labels in the business, which also happened to be Andrew’s label. Kevin, the CEO of Daylight Records, was a good guy. Annoying as shit, but a good guy. He had kept Andrew on as a solo artist when he could have left him on the side of the road in a pile of horse shit when Andrew left the band. So, in Andrew’s book, he was one of the few people that deserved a few minutes of his day.

This line of reasoning is what led Andrew to where he was now. In the car, on his way to Kevin’s office. Which happened to be where he heard the song. The stupid fucking song that started it all. The song that played in his mind sometimes, even if he wouldn’t admit it. 

It caught Andrew off guard, which wasn’t easy. He hadn’t heard anything about Neil Josten dropping an original single. But he was hearing it now. The production almost made Andrew’s breath catch. It was so different from the acoustic version he had heard that first day in the cafe. You could hear the loneliness and the fear in every word. Could hear the hopelessness and heartache in every note played. It was fucking beautiful. Unfortunately.

Andrew decided it was time to do some investigating. He went on to instagram and looked for Josten’s page. It did not make him feel better.

Andrew read the bio: “hey, go listen to my new songs Baltimore and Beach flames. Mother comes out in 1 month.” He made a note to listen to Beach Flames after his meeting with Kevin. For research purposes. You should know your enemies, obviously. 

The car pulled up outside the large building. Kevin never did anything halfway, that was for sure. He got out of the car with his bodyguard, Brian. They made their way through the lobby and got in the elevator for the short trip up to the top floor. As they made their way to the office, Andrew noticed a guy, who looked like security detail, standing outside the door. When he saw Andrew, he moved aside from the door to let Andrew pass. Then he spoke.

“Day said security stays out here.” Andrew looked at him and then at Brian, who nodded and stood next to the man. Andrew decided he didn’t give enough shits for this.

He opened the door without knocking, expecting Kevin to be at his desk. He wasn’t. He was arguing with someone. Someone who's back was to Andrew. Someone who only seemed to be about 3 inches taller than Andrew’s 5’0”. Someone who’s auburn hair was a curly mess on top of his head. Someone who’s backside Andrew knew as well as his own, even after 10 years. 

The men stopped arguing when they heard the door slam against the wall. They looked over at Andrew, Kevin looking pissed and the other man looking flustered. Kevin seemed to gather himself first.

“Andrew. Good, you’re here. I was just telling him the plan, which I’ll tell you in a minute.” Kevin almost looked nervous, but in true Kevin fashion, he still managed to look arrogant as fuck. “I guess I should introduce you two. Andrew, meet-”

Kevin didn’t get to finish his sentence, because Andrew finished it for him. Locking eyes with the product of his worst nightmares and hottest dreams, Andrew said two words that he truly wished he never had to again. But Andrew wasn’t lucky like that. Andrew knew fate was out to fucking get him. He stared into the ice blue eyes that used to hold all his deepest secrets, and spoke in a biting tone.

“Neil Josten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey :) the song for this chapter is called monster and i'm lowkey obsessed with it. i feel like it's the perfect first single for andrew to drop after leaving the band. these past two chapters have been a lot of inner monologue but there is gonna be more actual conversations in the next chapter. some interesting ones lol.
> 
> comment if you liked it. 
> 
> stay safe and wear a mask <3


	3. Beach Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin tells Andrew and Neil "the plan" and the boys talk.

Passenger seat of the getaway car  
Desperate to protect my heart  
Run for your life, or you get more scars  
Write our story into the stars

A cruel twist of fate led us here  
Where even the most depraved steer clear  
Looked into my eyes, made me swear  
For no one else, I’d ever care

Watched this life set on fire  
With you still in the driver side  
Melting skin haunts my nights  
And beach flames cut like a knife

Lost myself in the cut and chase  
Keep your memory alive every day  
But I know that eventually  
I’ll have to forget the look on your face 

Watched my life set on fire  
With you still in the drivers side  
Burning eyes haunt my nights  
And beach flames cut like a knife

On the run, but never far  
Coping mechanisms shaped like a guitar  
See your face in the North star  
Remember to take your advice to heart

Beach flames still cut the bone  
I’ve always been afraid to be alone  
And now I’m standing here with my weakness shown  
Wondering how I’ll make it on my own

******

Neil’s life flashed before his eyes in a way that made him certain he was dying. There was no other explanation. He was going to die and this was a trick his mind was playing on him. Standing in this office, the office that had given him his dreams, he watched as his most cherished and locked away memories played out in the forefront of his thoughts.

The taste of the blonde boy’s lips that made all the hell he’d ever gone through worth it. The look in the boy’s eyes when Neil would say something particularly idiotic. The way the boy’s fingers held him, traced his skin, as if he was the most precious guitar in the world. As if his heart was just waiting to be plucked by the graceful fingers that held it. The way he memorized the boy’s face, knowing it was the last time he would ever see it. 

The pain that he felt deep in his chest, when he realized that he was never going to feel this way again. That he would never feel the same joy he felt every time he earned more of the boy’s trust. Would never feel the boy’s breath on the back of his sweaty neck as they laid under the summer night sky and whispered nonsensical things, just to hear the other’s voice. He would never again sit on the roof that had quickly become his favorite place, and exchange hopes, dreams, and deepest fears with the boy he knew he would never forget.

Neil knew he was dying, because that was the only way he was staring into those hazel eyes again. Those hazel eyes that held so many emotions, if only for a split second. Neil didn’t let himself be hurt when those eyes went blank. He knew it was his fault. There was a time when he could read every word that was never said in the other boy’s face. But not anymore. He ruined that.

When Andrew said his name, it felt like he was finally coming home. Coming home after 10 long years. But Neil knew that wasn’t what this was. Andrew couldn’t be his home again. It would only destroy the both of them. 

Of course, Kevin had to ruin the moment. “Oh, you two know each other?” 

“No,” Andrew said, at the same time Neil said, “Yes”.

“Uh,” Kevin said, clearly confused, “Ok. Well, regardless, why don’t you two sit so I can keep explaining what’s going to happen.”

No one moved. No one even blinked. Neil didn’t think he was breathing. How could he, when the one person that could wreck him, was standing 5 feet away.

Finally, Andrew moved. But not after staring at Neil long enough to make the man break out in a sweat. Neil decided then and there that he wouldn’t let Andrew get the best of him. No matter how much he wanted to give the man the best of him. 

When they sat in front of the desk Kevin was sitting behind, shortening the space between them, Kevin started talking. Neil had already heard some of this plan. He was not a fucking fan. And he knew for a fact that Andrew would be even less of a fan.

What Kevin was proposing was probably the mot idiotic and dangerous thing Neil could imagine. It wasn’t an uncommon thing to occur in the music world, but that meant nothing.

“So, I know neither of you will like this, but if I’m being honest, I don’t give two shits.”

Well. That was upfront.

“This will be better for everyone in the long run,” Neil noticed he was tip-toeing around the actual truth and plan, “It’ll bring new audiences in for both of you, and make you both seem less prickly. It’s what everyone needs.”

“Kevin. Kevin fucking day,” Andrew put on his ‘i’ll kill you if you say the wrong thing’ voice, “You better not be saying what I think you’re saying.”`

Kevin gulped but powered on, “All you have to do is make some late night appearances and pretend to be best friends. Fist bump every once in a while or something. You don’t have to actually like each other, just tweet about the other's music and all that business. It’ll be good. Great. Amazing,” Kevin was babbling, “Look, I know how you both are with stuff like this, but it’s a good idea. Plus it’s not really an option. Aren’t record labels supposed to be all scary and domineering? That’s what I’m going for. Why don’t either of you look scared?”

Neil didn’t think either of them could be less scared of Kevin then they are right now. Mainly because they were pissed. 

“Absolutely not.” Andrew said. He was glaring daggers at Kevin. Not even daggers, something bigger, like an entire sword. 

“You didn’t even think about it. Neil’s singles have been doing well but this could make them do phenomenal,” Neil didn’t like that, “And Andrew, this is the perfect way to start out your new career. Monsters just dropped and Left for Dead will be dropping soon. What better way to boost sales than with a bromance for the ages.”

“I don’t want my music to do good because someone more famous than me said it is. I want it to be good because it fucking is,” Neil said. Who did these people think they were. Oh right. Bigshot record label and super fucking famous rockstar.

“I don’t give a shit about him or his music. I also don’t give a shit if he likes my music. I left the band to be my own person, Day, and you already have me paired up with a star struck rookie that you want me to pretend to want to braid his hair and gossip or some shit.” Neil wondered if he should take offense to what Andrew said, but decided now was not the right time.

Kevin pleaded with them one last time: “This will benefit everyone. It will boost sales. Make more people want to throw their panties at you. Make more people cry over your lyrics. Make more money. Make more connections. Make more in general. I know you both want people to listen and like the stuff you put out. This is how you bring in more listeners. This is how you grow. It’s how the business works and I know you both know that somewhere in your stubborn jackass minds.” 

Sadly, he was making sense. Neil sat there silently, not knowing what to say. He knew what he wanted. He wanted a chance to mend things with the man next to him. But he would never say that outloud, so he was content to let Andrew make the decision. Even if the answer was most likely no. Even if it would sting like a motherfucker. 

But Andrew surprised him. Surprised Kevin too, but saying. “Alright. Fine. But if this doesn’t boost our listeners, you owe me at least 4 whole cakes. No less.” 

And then, he got up and walked out, in true Andrew fashion.

******  
Neil knew this was a bad idea, but bad ideas were what basically made up 90% of his brain, so he figured he might as well give in. Even if it could get him stabbed.

He burst out of the front door of Daylight Records and saw the broad, muscled back he was looking for. If Neil believed in God, now would be a good time to start praying, because at that moment, Andrew stopped and turned around to look at him. He looked bored, per usual, but Neil knew he was fully aware of everything happening around him. 

“Andrew,” Neil said, slightly surprised the man was giving him the time of day. Neil truly never thought this would happen. He never thought that he would see the one person he used to know better than himself. He sort of hoped he wouldn’t, because he knew he would be in this exact situation. Standing here in front of Andrew, not knowing what to say.

“I, uh,” God Neil was fucking this up already, “I didn’t know he was planning on doing that,” As if that solved anything.

Andrew just stared at him. And then started at him some more. And then walked closer to him. Neil stood still, holding his chin up. He didn’t know what was coming but he wouldn’t show it. Arrogant nonchalance was the mask he often put up when he desperately needed reprieve from the crushing fear. What a cliche he was. 

Andrew was so close he could grab Neil if he wanted. A twisted part of Neil hoped that he wanted. He noticed that Andrew’s bodyguard was a few feet away, braced for a fight.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Andrew had never been one for small talk. 

“I signed with Kevin. Obviously. I didn’t think we would run into each other considering you’re a famous rockstar now.” 

“Funny. I don’t mean at Daylight Record. I mean in LA. I mean anywhere near where you know I would be. Especially now. Or did you just come to witness my life turn into a goddamn shitshow again?” 

Neil laughed at that. It was a cruel, mocking sound. One he couldn’t stop, or else he would be tempted to touch the man in front of him. The feel that body he knew as intimately as his own. To map out the freckled pattern on the pale back that he had every inch of memorized. 

“You’re a millionaire that gets to live out his dreams. Just because your family disputes are more documented than others doesn’t mean your life is a shitshow.” Neil wished his reflex wasn’t to be a dick when backed into a corner. He wished Andrew wasn’t the one making him feel backed into a corner.

Andrew stepped closer. “Careful, rabbit, your true colors are showing. Or is this a mask? I can’t tell with you anymore. Seems your ongoing identity crisis has finally caught up to you.”

Neil looked into those eyes that had held him captive from the first moment he saw them. The eyes that knew his secrets, his quirks, his mind. And he knew he couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste. He knew he couldn’t push away the only person he had ever wanted to pull close. He could feel the tension around them and hoped that it wouldn’t completely crush the barriers he had built around his heart. Being apart from this man had already destroyed him once. And while he wanted a chance to mend what he had broken, he couldn’t be destroyed again. He wouldn’t know how to pull himself back together.

“Don’t go,” he said, grasping onto straws. Nothing disoriented him like Andrew Minyard. “Just- just wait.”

“Why should I? There’s nothing here for me.” Neil pretended those words weren’t a thousand cuts to his already raw skin. 

“I know. But I want you to stay anyways. We could...talk” 

“I have nothing to say. The last thing I would ever want to do is talk to you.” Andrew almost seemed angry. His lips were slightly pressed together. His eyes narrowed in a way that wouldn’t have been noticeable to anyone farther away. Or anyone that wasn’t Neil. 

“That’s fine. You can listen.” Neil would talk for hours if it meant Andrew would stick around, even if he knew he didn’t deserve it. He fought the urge to walk away. To force his face into indifference and never let anyone see that they got to him. But this was Andrew. The boy whose heart Neil used to hold. The boy whose heart Neil broke when he walked away. Neil would let himself be a little vulnerable. He needed to talk to Andrew. He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he needed to say it.

Andrew’s eyes flicked back and forth between Neil’s, assessing. Neil hoped he could tell that this wasn’t a ploy. Finally, Andrew took a breath and said, “Talk.”

Neil waited a moment. He gathered his thoughts that didn't make much sense, but the one glaringly obvious thing that stuck out to him was, “I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t an explanation. It wasn’t what Andrew deserved. But it was the truth. 

“I don’t care and you know it. This doesn’t have to be a thing. We aren’t going to be friends. We aren’t going to be anything ever again.” 

Neil kept going, “I know. I also know nothing I say will change anything. I left for a reason Andrew, and if I could change it, I wouldn’t. I stand by my decision, even if I wish I didn’t have to make it.”

“Then what the fuck are you doing? Why are you saying any of this?”

Neil hesitated. He looked at Andrew and knew what he needed to say, even if it hurt. 

“Because I want you to know- I want you to know that it wasn’t fake. As much as you don’t want to admit it, I know you. And I know you probably spent the last 10 years telling yourself that you were some game to me. That I didn’t care. But I also know that deep down, you know that isn’t true. You know that it was real. Every word. Every touch. It just had to come to an end. And that’s what I’m sorry for. I’m not going to use this situation to force you into anything with me, Andrew. I’m not going to manipulate you or pressure you. I just want to make music. You can be a dick to me, if that’s what would make you feel better. But I’m not going to pretend. I’m not going to pretend that that summer didn’t happen. But I’m also not going to pretend that we’re something we’re not. That’s what the fuck I’m doing. Trying to find a little closure after ten years of missing you. Even if you won’t accept that.”

Neil didn’t want to push his luck, so he turned and walked to his car. He knew Seth, his bodyguard, was following him. 

He felt someone grab the back of his shirt, and knew who it was. He felt the body heat coming off of the other man so potently it almost burned. He felt the man’s breath at the back of his neck as he leaned in and whispered in his ear. 

“You aren’t getting off that easy, rabbit. You might have closure, but I sure as fuck don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's song is called beach flames and i really love this one.
> 
> i'm not very good at dialogue but i really wanted to neil to have a kinda dramatic speech about closure and andrew being like literally no shut up lolol
> 
> i hope you guys like the chapter :)) 
> 
> next the boys will be going on a late night talk show 
> 
> wear a mask and stay safe <3


	4. Left for Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew make a late night show appearance and feelings are stirred. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written in one sitting at 1 am so if it suck...sorry lol

Out in the alleyway  
Fists covered in blood  
In my eyes you saw your fate  
Knew the only option was to run

Someone I loved broken and bruised  
The sirens blaring but I only saw you  
Used to betrayal and pig like goons  
Never expected you to hate me too

There I was, once again  
Someone left me for dead  
Shouldn’t have trusted, I knew better  
But this time I thought you could be my shelter

Thrown in a cell, with no care  
Thought you would visit, wrong again  
Watched me from the other side  
Didn’t give a shit if it ruined my life

Pumped with drugs and a manic smile  
Pulsing, beating, running a mile  
Couldn’t give up even if I tried  
Lost myself in the lie

There I was, once again  
Someone left me for dead  
Shouldn’t have trusted, I knew better  
But this time I hoped you would be my shelter

Help, Im screaming for the last time  
Me, I need it, I’m losing my fight  
Please, have hated that word my whole life  
God, I should have known the world would cast me aside

Thought we could be brothers  
But you made the call  
Now I’ve given up  
You’ve taken it all 

******

Andrew honestly couldn’t believe he was doing this. Couldn’t believe he had let himself be talked into something like this. He fully blamed Neil Josten and his fucking blue eyes. Those blue eyes had gotten him a lot of things in his life, but nothing as spectacularly stupid as a late night show appearance with someone whose presence he couldn’t stand without wanting to take a drag of a cigarette, or take a drag of the man himself.

The man in question was currently standing next to him, looking disgustingly above average in his dark blue suit with a white shirt underneath that had the top three buttons undone. Of course the blue had to bring out his eyes. What the fuck even was this.

They were about to go on stage where Jamie Cameron, one of the most well known late night hosts, was waiting for them. Andrew wanted to go the fuck home. 

Kevin had proposed the late night show idea to the two of them a month ago. Only three days after he sprung this jackass fake friend plan on them. It was all a bit overwhelming, but Andrew would rather give up chocolate for the rest of his life than admit that.

He heard their intro music, and glanced over at Neil. He was practically vibrating with tension. Andrew knew this was his first time on one of these shows, so he couldn’t really blame him. But he did anyway. 

They walked out onto the stage, Neil waving and smiling at the crowd while Andrew gave them a nod. That only made them scream louder. They made their way over to the couches set up by the desk that Jamie was behind. He stood up to greet them both and watched as they got situated on the couch, Neil closest to Jamie. 

“My oh my, that’s the loudest I’ve heard them in awhile. I think they like you boys.” Jamie was one of the better hosts, in Andrew’s opinion, but he still didn’t like any of them.

Neil laughed and ran his hand through his hair, making the crowd lose their shit. Andrew had to agree with them. Humble Neil was- No. 

“Thanks, it’s great to see you all. I’ve been looking forward to this for awhile now,” Neil grinned, oozing with charm. God. 

“This is your first late night appearance, isn’t it Neil?” Jamie asked.

“Oh yeah, you guys are popping my cherry with this one,” And holy fuck, Neil just winked. Andrew wasn’t the only one affected by this, if the screeching crowd was anything to go by. 

“Alright, alright, settle down,” Jamie told the audience as he laughed, “Andrew, long time no see. It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back,” Andrew was already over the small talk. As if reading his mind, Jamie got down to business.

“Not to totally jump the gun and reveal that I’m a huge fan or anything, but I’ve been listening to your guys’s stuff and I have to say, I’m loving it.”

Neil positively beamed. Andrew let his lips quirk up into a slight smirk.

“I mean, Neil you came out with Baltimore about 5 months ago, and then 3 months ago you dropped Beach flames, both are phenomenal by the way, and tonight you’re dropping Mother. That’s insane. I can’t believe how fast you’re getting new music out.” Jamie was fangirling. 

“Yeah man, it’s been crazy, but I’ve been writing so much and I didn’t want to wait the normal amount of time to put it out. So I said screw it. And now you’re about to get my third song in six months.” Neil laughed as if that wasn’t some serious workaholic shit. Not that Andrew could say anything, since he was the same when it came to his music. Jamie turned his attention onto Andrew. 

“And Andrew, you just dropped Monster a month ago and you’re dropping Left for dead tonight too. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been listening to Monster on repeat ever since it came out. It’s amazing, I cannot get enough of it.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Andrew hated that he wasn’t lying, “I really put my heart and soul into that song, especially after what’s been going on in my life. It was warmly received.”

“I’ll say. The fans have been losing it over both of your songs. You both have actually caused some stirrings in the dark corners of the internet. You guys have publicly endorsed each other's music, and have been seen around LA together. So are the rumors true? Are you guys friends?”

Neil answered, thank god, “It’s true, Jamie. Not to brag or anything but I am, in fact, friends with a somewhat legendary rockstar. Don’t be jealous.” 

“Oh, I’m jealous alright,” Jamie laughed, “but I can honestly say I’m jealous of the both of you. Fans have been buzzing about your friendship and how real it is, and folks, I’m here to confirm or deny just how real it is. Tonight, Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten are going to play The Best Friend Quiz.”

Andrew knew it was coming and he still wanted to gauge his own eyes out. He doesn’t know why he agreed to this.

Jamie kept talking as if Andrew wasn’t contemplating getting up and leaving this very second. “The rules are simple: we go back and forth between asking Neil questions about Andrew and asking Andrew questions about Neil. They will both be asked to write the answers on their white boards and then will show us. Whoever has the most right answers at the end wins.”

The crowd went nuts, go figure. They got their whiteboards, and fucks to give, ready. 

“First question is for Neil: What is Andrew’s favorite song?”

They both started writing. A small part of Andrew wanted Neil to get this right, to confirm something inside of him that told him that Neil wasn’t lying when he said they had been real to him. But the bigger part of Andrew, the part that ignored Neil’s dramatic ass speech the other day, wanted him to get it wrong so they could move the fuck on with their lives.

When time ran out, they both showed their answers. And they were the fucking same. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. Jesus fuck. 

“It’s his go to Guitar Hero song,” Neil said with an annoying little smirk that Andrew wanted to punch off. With his mouth.

“Well alright then!” Jamie laughed.

They went back and forth a few times, and every time they both got the answer right. Neil’s favorite color: Orange. Andrew’s favorite book: Peter Pan (“Don’t question it” Neil had said.) Neil’s least favorite thing: Baseball. Andrew’s favorite food: Ice cream. And so on.

“Wow. I did not expect you two to actually know each other that well,” Andrew wasn’t sure if Jamie was supposed to say something like that, but the man did look thoroughly surprised. 

“I probably know Andrew better than he knows himself,” And oh God, Neil was looking at him. Looking at him with enough emotional shit in his eyes Andrew could choke on it. He could see the longing, the need, the want. It was like all the air in the room had been sucked out and replaced by the icey blue of Neil’s eyes. It was all Andrew could feel. 

It sucked Andrew straight back to ten years ago, when both of their heart’s had been a little lighter. When they’re eyes had been a little brighter. Thinking about it now, Andrew couldn’t bring himself to hate or regret that summer. It was a summer full of the same look that Neil had in his eyes now. Unabashed feeling and want. Andrew had never felt so seen as he had that summer. And with one look, Neil made Andrew feel that way again. After ten long years of being invisible. After 3,650 days of being in the spotlight while also hidden in the shadows. 

Neil was one thing Andrew could never not want, try as he might. He had trained himself to hold off wanting anything. To hold off letting anyone in. But Neil had always trained himself to climb over Andrew’s walls. 

There were three things Andrew had known to be true that summer: the rooftop sunrise, music, and the way Neil made him feel. And with one look, Neil managed to bring back that trio of truths. Bring back that feeling. Andrew wished he hated him for it. Neil deserved to be hated for the way things had ended. Deserved to feel what Andrew had been forced to feel after falling so blindly, yet so purposely for the boy with the laugh that still sounded like the music in Andrew’s soul.

It was over and done within less than 3 seconds, but that was enough. Enough for Andrew to want to rip his suit off, and Neil’s if he was being honest. Andrew ignored all of this and focused on the conversation. They were talking about the fans' reactions to the songs.

“We actually thought it would be fun to read some tweets about them. Hear it directly from the horse's mouth, if you will.” Andrew didn’t know why Jamie thought this would be fun, but whatever. He started to read off tweets about Neil.

“@neiljos10toes says ‘the way @neiljosten uses the burning car metaphor for a watching a relationship go up in flames is just...too f**kin real man’”

Neil smiled, a secret little smile that Andrew knew no one was supposed to know the meaning behind. But Andrew did. Of course he did. Andrew knew just what he was doing when Neil used that metaphor. 

“@neilsbabyyy says ‘Baltimore was literally just made to f*** me up. That's it. That was the sole reason.’”

“@cutlikeaknife says ‘Gonna die when the full album comes out...god i might just check myself into the hospital now @neiljosten’”

Andrew snorted at that one. Until Neil opened his big mouth.

“I’m really excited to write the rest of the album. I think I want to travel somewhere to write it.”

Andrew could almost hear Kevin’s brain light bulb go off, and just knew that this wasn’t going to go well for him.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say we’ll be anxiously waiting. Now for Andrew’s turn.” Jamie started reading off tweets about Monster.

“@holdmeminyard says ‘God’s gift to the world was @andrewminyard’s song writing. Idc what anyone says he is my child. My baby.’”   
Neil laughed and said “I agree, his writing is definitely godly.” He was trying to kill Andrew.

“@fallfromgraceforever says ‘would kick a baby for @andrewminyard’s album’ Very to the point.”

“@uhhdontpercieveme says ‘the fact that i haven't wrapped my head around @andrewminyard leaving fall from grace yet he’s already dropped a song and is about to drop another..gonna implode’ I feel the exact same way, honestly.”

“Well you don’t have to kick a baby unless you feel like it. I’ll be working on my album a lot in the near future and will be providing you more reasons to implode.” Andrew smirked, knowing that would throw the world into chaos, just like Neil’s confession probably did too.

“There you have it. Now, don’t die on me yet, because after the break Neil will be performing Beach Flames. And after that Andrew will be performing Monster.”  
******

Andrew was sweaty and standing near an also sweaty Neil Josten. Warning signals blared in his mind.

They had both finished performing and were standing in their dressing room. Alone. And sweaty. Jesus.

“I think we did good,” Neil said, looking anywhere that wasn’t him.

Andrew was saved from having to reply with some meaningless bullshit, because Kevin burst through the door. Why he was even here, Andrew didn’t know. But he knew he would find out. 

“I have an idea,” Great, “Oh also, you two did great out there. But back to my idea.”

“Spare us your idea, Kevin. The last one is still haunting me.” Andrew looked over at Neil as he said this. 

Kevin continued as if Andrew hadn’t said anything, because of course he did. “Neil, you said you wanted to travel to write your album. That can happen. We can rent you a place down in Malibu. Andrew loves it there.” 

“That sounds great, I think,” Neil knew the other shoe was about to drop.

“Yes. It will be even better when Andrew comes along.” Silence. But that didn’t stop the great Kevin Day from talking out of his overpriced ass. 

“Just think about it. You two could stay in a huge house together. I’m not saying you have to sit in the same room and collaborate every night, but it could be good to be around another artist whose writing. Could get the juices flowing. And if you two become real friends along the way, then that would just be grand.” Andrew couldn’t tell if Kevin was joking or not.

“I’m not doing that. Get out.” Andrew didn’t give a fuck about Day’s feelings at the moment, or ever really. He just wanted to go home and get away from the man that made Andrew feel like he was suffocating in the most desirable way. And being in a mansion in Malibu with said man for several months did not sound like a good time.

Neil decided to jump in. “We already said yes to your friend plan, we aren’t going to say yes to this one. Writing is personal to us both. You know that.”

“Well it can be personal for an audience of one other.” 

“No,” Andrew said firmly, hoping it would stay that way, “Go.”

Kevin knew when he was being shut down. After he left, they both turned away from each other and changed back into regular clothes. 

Andrew was in the process of putting his t-shirt back on when Neil spoke.

“Not saying I want to, but Kevin could be right about the whole, being near another writer thing. Just because it isn’t ideal doesn’t mean it isn’t helpful.”

“I have no desire to write any songs with you. And I have even less of a desire to sleep in the same house as you.” 

“Kevin’s been in this business longer than we have. He knows how it works. If we just took his advice-”

Andrew cut him off. “No, Neil.” And would you look at that, Neil stopped talking.

Andrew tried not to think about how Neil wasn’t pushing him and he definitely refused to think about why that made him all...warm. He realized he had been doing that a lot since Neil came back into his life. Not thinking about how all of this made him really feel.

“I like your song,” That was all Neil said, and yet it twisted something inside of Andrew. He turned around to see Neil already looking at him as he leaned against the wall across from Andrew. 

He hummed, “Yes, you like my ‘godly’ writing skills, don't you?” 

Neil smirked, “I like a lot of godly things about you, Andrew Minyard.” And with one last slow perusal of Andrew’s body, he left. Just like that. Leaving Andrew wondering when the last time his skin had felt too tight for his body and why it was only Neil Josten that could make him feel this way.

Andrew wondered once again, what the fuck he was doing. He also wondered how long it would take him to give in and agree to go to Malibu. No matter how little time he held out for, he would deny that it had anything to do with Neil. He would say it was for his music. So he could focus. But he would not admit that Neil Josten made him feel off center and that he desperately needed to fix that. Neil Josten made him do something he hated. Something he never does, because it only created more problems. Something, that in this situation, was necessary for Andrew’s survival. Or else he would fall apart into the arms of the man he needed to despise but just couldn’t. Neil Josten messed with his head and his heart. 

Neil Josten made him lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this song is called left for dead and literally hurts my soul. you find out a little later exactly what its about but it has to do with the night nicky was assaulted (if u couldn't tell)
> 
> im dead tired so sorry again if there are any typos or anything
> 
> i hope u liked this chapter. im kinda obsessed with celebrity interviews so this was fun to write
> 
> wear a mask and stay safe <3333


End file.
